Greetings and welcome to the 2014 Basketball World Cup of Beer. Every nation in the 2014 FIBA Basketball World Cup will be represented by a beer, the vast majority of which have been chosen by citizens of said nations. We’re going to introduce to beers you’ll be pleasantly surprised to learn about and some you’ll wish you didn’t know existed.
Most importantly a champion will be crowned. Before a team takes the court in Spain, we will decide which competing nation has the best beer of them all. Yes, yes, I see you Belgium, Germany, and the UK. If you were better at basketball, maybe you could have won this. Tough.
Before we get to the action, we must first hold our opening ceremony at the neutral site of BiE Towers.
We’re following the draw for the FIBA Basketball World Cup so groups A and B will be on the same side right up until the final, likewise with groups C and D. Here are the beers that will be fighting it out for this prestigious honour.
Brazil – Brahma
Egypt – Al Ahram
France – Mont Salève Admiral Benson IPA
Iran – Black Delster
Serbia – Zajecarsko
Spain – Alhambra Reserva 1925
Argentina – Quilmes Cristal
Croatia – Ozujsko
Greece – FIX
Philippines – San Miguel Red Horse
Puerto Rico – Old Harbor Kofresi Stout
Senegal – Flag Spéciale
Dominican Republic – Presidente
Finland – Sinebrychoff Porter
New Zealand – 8 Wired Superconductor DIPA
Ukraine – Stare Misto
USA – Sierra Nevada Torpedo IPA
Turkey – Efes Malt
Angola – Nova Cuca
Australia – Little Creatures Pale Ale
Lithuania – Volfas Engelman Rinktinis
Mexico – DOA IPA
Slovenia – Lasko Dark
South Korea – Platinum Irish Cream Stout
And now the schedule…
First round: Only the worst lose
With 16 out of 24 teams making the knockout stages, you’ve really got to be in the bottom tier to not progress. These are the days we’ll find out the worst beers by group and which four from each group progress.
Mon 4 Aug – Group A
Tue 5 Aug – Group B
Thur 7 Aug – Group C
Fri 8 Aug – Group D
Second round: Slaughters ahoy
With a 4 match-ups featuring 1 seeds vs 4 seeds, this may see some beers take a pounding.
Mon 11 Aug
1. A3 vs B2
2. A1 vs B4
3. C3 vs D2
4. C1 vs D4
Tue 12 Aug
5. A2 vs B3
6. A4 vs B1
7. C2 vs D3
8. C1 vs D4
Quarter finals: Now the fights start
This is the point at which national pride takes over with emotions running high as a shot at a medal is on the line.
Thur 14 Aug
9. Winner 3 vs Winner 4
10. Winner 7 vs Winner 8
Fri 15 Aug
11. Winner 1 vs Winner 2
12. Winner 5 vs Winner 6
Semi-finals: So close to smug
You can feel it, can’t you. That moment where you finally get to tell your friend that you are the best in the world but then it gets swept away and all you can hope for is the bronze.
Mon 18 Aug
13. Winner 9 vs Winner 10
14. Winner 11 vs Winner 12
Bronze medal match: It’s still real to me
The coveted top prize is gone but you can still end it on a high. Can you nation make the podium of the Basketball World Cup of Beer?
Wed 20 Aug
15. Loser 13 vs Loser 14
Final: You know you’re actually still really good if you lose this
The two best beers…from teams that are in the Basketball World Cup…battle it out to decide which one will lift the Beersmith Trophy. Yeah I’ll buy a trophy because why the heck not but trust me it’ll be cheap and far from distinctive because I really can’t afford to buy a good trophy.
Fri 22 Aug
16. Winner 13 vs Winner 14
Let the games begin.